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taken from an offline journal that i've been keeping in the past few weeks. and yes, this is public for a reason.

"I wish I could say things to your face. I wish I wasnt so scared of you. No one has ever affected my life the way you have. And what makes it even funnier is that I hardly know you. Sure, there are things that we know about each other that we wouldnt tell just anybody, but you have no idea who I am. And I have no idea who you are. I want to know you, everything about you. Your secrets, your fears, your hopes and dreams.. But I have a feeling that will never happen.
I wish that I could stop thinking about you. Why do I miss you so much? Why do I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and chopped into tiny little pieces? Why do I feel like you hold my happiness in the palms of your hands? Why can't I be angry with you and why can't I show it? Why do I have to hold my tongue everytime I see you or hear your voice and just pretend like everythings ok and that I dont care about what you do? Because I do care. A lot."

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