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i try and try to overcome the depression that i slowly feel seeping its way back into my life, but its starting to overtake me. he does little things, mostly joking around. and even tho i know he's joking it still hurts. i keep telling myself that ive found the man of my dreams and that im happy .. were practically engaged for real now (were paying off the rings as we speak). so why do i still feel like my life should be over? that everything would be so much better if i wasnt here? why cant i just dissapear? when i meet someone with the answer ... maybe i could fix my problem.

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( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
lurchahead
Feb. 13th, 2007 05:47 pm (UTC)
Even if you met someone with the answer, would you be able to hear what they said?

Sorry, let me back up a bit.
Depression is a hard thing to overcome. I know, because I've done a fair amount of overcoming. Not saying I have it licked, but that the moments where I feel like a useless, unworthy-to-breath-air, never-has-been are becoming less and less frequent.

Part of it is self confidence.
I know of absolutely zero depressed people that are self confident.
So, ask yourself, what do you think you are good at?
What do you take pride in?
If you can't answer those questions, then that's a good place to start.

Another part is that you are paying whatever voice is in your head too much attention, giving it too much credibility.
Whenever a thought that rolls through your head that makes you feel bad, It's Lying! don't believe it, and tell it so. Do Not give power to something (even if it's in your own head) that makes you feel bad.

And another part is diet and exercise. What do you eat?
Since I've paid closer attention to what i eat and change it around to get more vitamins and minerals, I'm feeling better. eating too much pasta and bread will lead to more depression. But that's the foods that are easist to get and eat. you have to decide to eat other things.
The best foods are the most naturally colorful.
Exercise: Get out and walk more. See your neighborhood, local parks, don't drive to anyplace withing a mile from you place. walk there.

Besides changing those, another tactic I use to get around depression as, Diversion.
I find something else to think about.
When you are starting to feel bad, look up at the clouds and see what shapes they are in. Notice what kind of trees are around you.
You can also pick a small problem and think of a way to fix it.
like, the trash hasn't been taken out. Ok, then you take it out. Problem solved. there is a small mess in the kitchen, Ok, organize it, and problem solved.
If you come back with, "I'm to tired and depressed to do that", then you've just let the Depression win and it'll be a little harder next time.
You have to beat the habit of letting depression win.

Are you always going to win? No, of course not. You will have moments of feeling utterly horrible.
But, do you want those moments to not be so often?
I certainly hope so.

Oh, and last point.
You can very well and your BF to stop saying things that hurt you. I would think that if he loves you, he'd want to know if what he says hurts you so he can stop.
Does he want to hurt you? I hope not.

Being depressed is like an addiction. Even when you start to feel good, the addictive cravings will kick in and want to return you to Depression.
That could possibly be why you are feeling the way you are right now.
things are going well, but your Depression addiction is telling you otherwise.
Well, it's lying and I hope you tell it so.

Let me know if this makes and sense or if it helps.
lurchahead
Feb. 14th, 2007 06:36 pm (UTC)
BTW: Did I tell you you are still gorgeous?

Happy V-day!
ikegijohvyty
Mar. 6th, 2007 09:53 pm (UTC)
yeah. the weather here was really nice last week. there's a slight chilly breeze every now and then. hahah. i can't wait until winter too. i love the cold weather.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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